Emily Rose Dallara (00:00.046)
Always assume stupidity instead of malice. 99.99 % of the time, someone is not trying to actively malign you or actively be mean to you or try to mess with you. It's very possible that they are working with the information that they have and they just don't know the thing that you are expecting or that you have worked on or the counterpoint that you may have raised. Hi everybody. Welcome back to Bubbling Out where we are introducing new

positive, innovative, embodied ways to lead. Now this show is for anybody who leads. It's for you if you are the CEO of a huge tech organization, you are the solo printer in a tech or web three crypto startup. It's for you if you are leading the marketing campaigns in a charity, right? It's for anybody who has to show up and has to lead for themselves with resilience.

with grit and with emotional intelligence. Now today I spoke to such a fun human. I love this woman. She's called Alia Desgupta and she's the Senior Vice President of Business Development at Signum Bank. And she really plays such a pivotal role in bringing traditional finance together with digital assets. If you're a crypto nerd, go check out Signum. They're the first regulated crypto bank and they're really

at the forefront of innovation in blockchain and crypto. So go check them out if you're interested. But Aliyah and I didn't talk about any of that. We talked all about her as a woman in leadership, a woman who has had to understand what it takes to step up and lead a team versus execute. It's her as a woman who's just had a baby and come back to work and how she juggles all of it. We talked a lot about

noticing burnout signs and understanding when your body is really under stress and you just can't manage anything and what to do when you get to that stage. And we talked a lot about creating and forging your own communities and networks in a male dominated industry. So if you're currently sitting there thinking like, just don't feel like I fit in in this environment, like none of the topics interests me. It's all white male faces. Sorry guys. I just.

Emily Rose Dallara (02:20.62)
don't feel like I belong here, but I love the cause, I love the mission, then listening to this, I think will give you the push to go and do something for you. So listen along. It's such a beautiful, really inspiring conversation that we had. And I think you're all going to love it. Now, don't forget this show does not exist without you guys. So if you can subscribe, like, comment, do all the things.

and share with anybody who you think would really enjoy that. I would be so grateful. Now, before we drop in, I just wanted to remind you that the wait list is now open for Power Up. Power Up is a program for anybody in a leadership position or wanting to move into a leadership position who identifies as a female, not just anybody, but it's a program from the lens of semantics. We work to help you connect the mind and body, develop stress resilience,

gain support and develop the high growth leadership skills that you need to lead in a fast paced environment. Now that environment might be in tech, it might be in beauty, it might be in healthcare, it might be in whatever industry, whatever startup, whatever scale up you are in right now. It will just prepare you with the tools you need to thrive in environments that are constantly changing.

You'll be able to self-regulate. You'll be able to communicate clearly. You'll be able to show up for yourself. You'll be able to say what you need to say. You'll be able to get what you want. You'll be able to negotiate. You'll be able to go home and not think about work all night. If that's something that you'd like, go ahead to emilyrosdelara.com and you can join the wait list there. Okay. Let's jump into today's show. Welcome, Alia. How are you doing? Doing well. Thank you for having me on the podcast, Emily.

You are very welcome. And we were just talking about your own podcast, which is very exciting. I always love talking to people who've got their own podcast because they get it. They understand what it takes to put a podcast out there. does. It is a lot of work, but it's very rewarding as well, because as you can imagine, it's so wonderful to hear people's stories, see what makes them tick and then really be able to dig into their viewpoints on specific topics. I love it. Yeah, it's brilliant. And everybody loves to come and share things.

Emily Rose Dallara (04:36.174)
And it's not often that you get to sit down with people one-on-one to really have deep discussions. So true. So true. Fab. On that note, what does leadership mean for you? So leadership is kind of a broad word, right? It can mean many things in many different contexts. But I think being a leader, especially, you know, as you're growing within an industry and you're seeing a lot of other

younger people join in and they look to you for a little bit of guidance and a little bit of direction. I think one is being able to share a vision. I think that's really important. When you can articulate that vision and then you can get people to also buy into that shared vision, then none of us are sitting around the table doing a job. Then we're all working towards this bigger exciting thing. And that makes the whole experience super rewarding.

And also it means that we're all kind of working on it together. It takes the grind out of what we're doing quite a lot, which makes things quite exciting. And the second thing that's really important is empowering those around you, finding ways to let them shine, giving them like responsibility, but also creating opportunities for them to succeed and then celebrating those successes. And it's amazing to watch people grow.

It's so rewarding, really, to see people grow into what you would have envisioned or hoped for them as well. Yeah, those are my thoughts It's beautiful, though. And you light up when you speak about this. I share this as well. I share this love of building on people. I can even feel like I'm a somatic practitioner. Everything's about feeling in the body. I can feel like the warmth and excitement that I get when you're talking about this, because that's it, isn't it? It's the...

I am able now to support another person in their growth, just like someone has supported me in my growth. Exactly. Exactly. It's lovely. Really being able to take care of them, support them when things get a little bit hard, but really giving that opportunity for growth, like getting out of the way and not micromanaging, not helicoptering, creating the opportunity, stepping aside and letting them really go with it. It's, I think, quite challenging.

Emily Rose Dallara (06:57.486)
Because I think I've struggled with this in the past as well. You know, there are thoughts about if they're really good at their job, then what am I doing? That's a genuine fear I had as an early manager. And I've learned over time that that just enables me to also to create a lot more space for me to grow as well. Because as long as I'm actively overseeing the tasks that they're doing, then obviously I'm not being able to do my own work as well. it's.

That came with time. was not easy for me. No, but that's an amazing insight to have yourself. And actually this is a big challenge for people who are moving into leadership roles is this, like you said, being able to step back and not feel useless. Yeah. That was, think, the genuine fear. think especially as a woman, like there's a sense of like, okay, if they're all taking over everything, then why am I here? Like, you it's a bit of like that imposter syndrome feeling. And then understanding that I've been trusted.

with the growth of this vertical or this department or whatever. And when everyone's taking care of those things, that opens me up to then really think strategically, think bigger picture, think about other things that I would absolutely not have had the time for if I didn't have support, if I didn't have this team supporting me. Yeah, 100%. It's the fear of not being valuable and that people will be like, why am I paying this person? Like, that's definitely a fear I used to have too.

It's like, I got a big pay rise, but now I don't have as much things to do, like in terms of execution. really think this is like a woman thing. I don't think any guy ever worries about this. Like, am I adding enough value to justify my cost to the company? Yeah. Well, actually, you'd be surprised because I have a few male, yeah, a few men who have the similar kind of beliefs. They just don't talk about it and they don't show it. Yeah. What I found at least. That's the whole genre of like,

vulnerability and being able to talk about things that you fear and then being able to also address those and grow past them. Because I think when we talk about the patriarchy and how it's very oppressive and how it's created the paradigm of power that obviously we want to work against, we talk a lot about the oppression that women have faced. But I think that there's also it's also hard on men.

Emily Rose Dallara (09:22.764)
And this is one of the ways in which it's hard on men. They're not allowed to show their vulnerability and without showing their vulnerability, it's very hard to grow past it. 100%. And you've probably experienced this too with being in male dominated environments. like, it's on one hand, it's like, we don't want to show the vulnerability and emotions because then we're a woman being weak and not being able to handle their emotions. But then we also need the men to be empathetic and compassionate and allow that to happen.

It's difficult for women sometimes and the men don't really know how to support because they're not allowed to. They don't give themselves permission to, if that makes sense. Yeah, no, it's true. And it's about kind of opening those doors a little bit, right? Because everyone has their like facade of like who they are at work. And I can understand not everybody wants to kind of have their heart on their sleeve and they're here to kind of do their jobs. And that makes sense. But especially then, I think

As a woman, I don't speak for all women, but emoting and creating that connection is a little bit more challenging. And the whole theory of the boys club is actually completely true. Like there are golf games and cigar lounges and all of these things where like, I'm not particularly interested in go though. I do want to have the connections that typically come out of places like that. Actually, that is something that's hard to square the circle on a bit, but

Yeah, it's like you feel like you want the access, but do you actually want the access? I mean, do you actually want those connections if that's the values that they hold? I mean, the thing is like when you work in banking or in like the finance world, the amount of time people sit around discussing fine wine or watches and things like this, it's a lot of time and those things don't necessarily interest me. Do you think it even interests them?

I mean, the amount of time they can spend talking about it. It's special. And then, course, when there's a, you know, wine tasting that comes up, then, you know, I'm not invited to it. But then also, I don't especially want to go. But then they come back from the wine tasting with all the stories of all the funny things that happened there. And then you're a little bit left out that you're not part of the crowd. And so then you really have to think about, OK, what do I want to achieve? Is, you know, not having an interest in wine actively blocking me from it?

Emily Rose Dallara (11:49.8)
Or can I open another door of something else that maybe does interest me a little bit more and then try to create some of those networking and bonding opportunities around those activities? it. What have you done for that? What's been your strategy? So specifically, like with my role here at the bank and also within the crypto ecosystem.

I've accepted that there is quite a big spillover of my personal and professional in all of the ecosystem work I do. So one of my roles in addition to my work at the bank is as the president of Women in Web3. It's an association here in Switzerland where I lead the board. And also we have this community of over 700 women that are working in the space. And then I also I'm on the board of Crypto Mondays Zurich. And so as you can imagine, being a part of both of these organizations is

It's an immense amount of time. It feeds into my work for sure. But I have to genuinely like what I'm doing for those things to be because it typically goes into evenings. It goes into night. There's work that happens outside of office hours. So on one side, you have to really enjoy it. I have to make sure it's also serving my broader purpose, which is, you know, growing in my industry. And then also it.

It really opens up an opportunity to network outside of the office, build teams with the people that I'm working with. And we're all working towards creating this broader ecosystem in Switzerland. And these are all visions that I think everyone can get on board with. We're all working actively towards. And while we're working towards them, we're obviously also building bonds and relationships along the way. I love that you've created your own world, which is better than wine tasted.

and stuff. A little bit. think it's also for me a little bit in terms of service, right? I come from a public policy background. And my original why for going into public policy was really about trying to sound super cheesy, but like make the world a better place. I wanted to know the work I do is actively contributing to make things better. And sometimes within crypto,

Emily Rose Dallara (14:07.372)
I know why I came to crypto. know why I came to blockchain. It was because of the ethos behind it. It's about transparency, about decentralization, about empowering the individual. And these are all values that people within crypto typically also share. And so my day job is my day job, right? Like we're building financial bridges, we're using ways to kind of create better infrastructure for better efficiency. All of these things are bringing people closer to the DeFi world.

That's all great. But also what I'm doing in my spare time is to kind of create with Crypto Mondays an ecosystem where people can contribute and grow and learn more about crypto. And with Women in Web3, it's to create a platform where more women are visible, more women can enter the space, more women are seen, more women are heard. And both of these, to me, feel like goals that are worthy of being pursued even outside of even on my personal time. And that's what makes them.

that much more fun to work with. Yeah. I really love that you do this and it's just so important to have this kind of thing because you can get sucked into work and you can get sucked into someone else's vision. As much as you believe in that vision, you want to build it. If you're not doing what fulfills you and you're not doing what is aligned with your values, then it just slowly, slowly eats away at yourself.

And I can say this, it happened to me when, when I was a CMO, I loved it and I'm really good at it, but I just wasn't doing anything for me. And I wasn't doing anything that was purposeful. And it's the same with a few of my clients who come to me. In fact, I just got off a call with one of them, similar situation. And I would just say to anyone who's listening, if you can just take one tiny, tiny step that will, you might not even know what that is yet. Right. But have a think about.

What is you actually believe in? What legacy do you want to leave on this world? What impact do you want to have? And what tiny, tiny thing can you do to bring that towards you a bit more? Yeah. And don't you find that when you put things out to the world, you actively start working on it without realizing a lot of the time. you have that vision, when you have like that purpose that's clear, it really doesn't feel so much like work. And people always ask me, like, I'm a new mom.

Emily Rose Dallara (16:28.75)
I have a hundred percent job. have all these associations that I do on the side. And of course, you know, making sure my, like a kid is almost like a full-time job in himself, right? But finding the space to be able to do it is something that comes naturally when you want to do and you really want to do it when it's something that's like purpose driven. Exactly. And it fills you with energy rather than drink. That's where you know that you're doing the right thing. But then it really does depend on different aspects. I have a group and

one of the group members was delivering a presentation on human design because I love human design, but I'm not an expert in it. And I was like, let's bring the expert in to talk about it. And she was talking all about energy centers and how some profiles actually generate their own energy. So it's very interesting. It's like giving me a different perspective on the advice I give people, actually. Are you into human design at all? No, I can't say that I've really done so deep into it. I'm going to send you this.

And everybody who's listening, if you haven't researched human design, go and have a look because it brings together, it's not like a personality test. It's like astrology. Maybe I can't say neurology. I don't think it's that sciencey. It's spirituality, it's metaphysics, all that kind of stuff brought together. And it helps you just understand why you are as a human and how to leverage your personal aspects. Very interesting. Anyway, that was a side note.

I wanted to ask you, because you're talking about creating space and the ability to do all these things and still have energy and feel energized, right? What do you do to stay grounded, to stay energized, to look after yourself? I think a lot of people today are always living on the brink of burnout. And that's, it's a very scary kind of reality when you kind of look around and everyone's constantly quite tired and

hasn't been sleeping well and working way too much and really just like living for like those two weeks that you get on holiday to go home or to the beach somewhere. And it's, think it's very easy to fall into that cycle. And when you see that you're in that cycle, pausing and reflecting on it is really important. And when you reflect on it, think you really see like, have you given time to

Emily Rose Dallara (18:50.422)
allow your mind to relax. And for me, sometimes it's as simple as instead of watching TV after dinner, like I'll just watch half an hour or 45 minutes of a show or something. I really find that if I'm not watching TV, if I read a book instead, I really find my mind to be a lot quieter. If I'm go one step further and say, okay, instead of reading a book, I'm actually going to write down some thoughts like journal a little bit. That's like the next level. there's different

levels of what I'm capable of on any day. I mean, on a day that I'm most frazzled, you might argue that I need the highest level of self care. But it's also possible that I'm not able to do that. And so I try to be kind to myself as well, because I think you can constantly bash yourself for all the things you're not doing. It's hard to also eat healthy to also be, you know, physically active to also do 100 % at your job to also show up as a present mom to do the most for your associations, be a good wife and daughter like

There's just a lot of different things. I think it's easy to then say like, I'm failing on like three out of those five things or five out of those five things and constantly bash yourself for it. But if you're able to kind of show yourself a little bit of kindness and say, OK, you know what, I probably should journal or so. But today it's OK just to read a book. And even if it's a crappy book, just giving my mind a little bit of that silence, a little bit of that quiet, I find works wonders.

And yeah, I was going to say thank you for sharing that because everybody tackles this differently. And the thing that came to mind is the concept of cleansing and feeding your mind. Right. You can you feed your mind all day, every day with other people, other energy, other information. And if you just keep doing it, your mind fills up. You don't have any more space. And then you're on that hyper anxious, high functioning anxiety mode at all times.

But if you empty it a bit by breathing, journaling, going for a walk, being in nature, reading a fiction book, right? Something that's healthy for your nervous system that can just doesn't involve you thinking about stuff. Then you're able to come back to a lower dynamic. Yeah. I mean, another example is such a walk my dog every night. And I almost always use this as an opportunity to call a family member, usually my brother, my mom.

Emily Rose Dallara (21:12.992)
or if they're not available, listen to a podcast. actually, now I've started or now sometimes I try to go without my headphones. My phone kind of comes with me for emergencies, whatever, but to actually take that walk at night without your headphones. So you're just walking in the night air. It's crazy. It's raw dogging that walk, know, like, except that for these 10 minutes, I'm not going to allow the world to tell me things. I'm just going to kind of take that little 10 minute walk and

Look at the trees, listen to the sound of the gravel. And that's already just so calming. Yeah, I was going to ask like, what was the difference for you? Between with the headphones? Yeah, like, did you notice your body changed in terms of sensations? 100 % because like, it's exactly what you said, you're in that like, kind of hyper anxious, like constant like, do do do do do next thing, next thing, next thing. And like, even the 10 minutes of the walk, I would sometimes see as wasted time if I'm not like,

either using it to quickly connect with a family member because you know I owe them a call or to listen to a podcast because I have these three or four podcasts that I try to get through in the week. So I need to you know, utilize the time and yeah, actually not utilizing the time just walking my dog sniffing his thing he's happy and I'm just walking listening to the gravel looking at the lights a little bit. It's so amazing to feel your body just say like, like take a breath. Thank you.

Yeah, giving yourself permission to just be and it's extremely difficult for women because that is not normal for us and that's not what we've been told is normal. And you'll find that a lot of women, definitely struggle with this. comes up, I've been working on it for years, is this inability to stop because it's not safe to stop. If you stop, then you're going to fail or you're going to be in danger or something's going to come in.

take away something, right? So whatever the fear is, whatever the belief is, it all comes back to safety. And if you can manage to get yourself to actually you're already noticing this, this is amazing. But if you can notice when you don't feel in that hyper aroused state and you know what brings you back to a calm, safe space, you can do it more frequently and you can test it. Yeah. So anyone who's listening today, I want you to notice as you're listening,

Emily Rose Dallara (23:37.966)
What is your body feeling like? you feeling a bit anxious? Have you got tightness in your chest? Do feel a bit sick and nauseous? Do you feel like I can't, I just, can't take anything in right now. Like I can't do anything and you're texting at the same time as listening to this. Like just notice what's happening and then decide what would make it a bit easier right now. another way I think also to do this, depending on the kind of person you are is call your best friend. Just like having a 10 minute phone call with the person that you love, but

perhaps don't speak to as often as you could, I should is also like you just get off the phone feeling lighter because you may be not necessarily talking about your problems or so even just hearing about their day. But it's that feeling of connection with someone that's not you know, with your husband, it very often just becomes like, have you cleaned the dishwasher? No, it's your turn today. different, different communication.

to not save it always just for like, okay, the weekend when I have two hours of time and we're gonna sit and chat and have a coffee or whatever. But even those like quick bites of like 10 minutes of connection, I think they really helped me remember that like, life is actually a wonderful place. And we're all very lucky to be here on this journey around the sun, you know? And it's just lovely to hear other people's days and like, someone else is living this life that's different to mine. Yeah.

Absolutely. So nice. I love that you do this. I do this too. Like I don't put my headphones in for dog walks ever because I feel so calm. And I'm also like a bit obsessed because we used to live in Vietnam and in Vietnam they steal dogs. Not good. So now I'm like, is there anybody behind us? Which is something I need to work on. That was the reason I didn't wear headphones to start with. But now I can, that's like my favorite part of the day, morning and nighttime walks.

I love that. Yeah. It's soothing, isn't it? Okay. So you focus on your morning rituals. You do whatever you feel you need at the time. You mentioned journaling. Do you just write stuff down? How does that work for you? Usually for me, journaling is something I turn to when I'm very anxious, when my heart rate's quite up and I'm upset about a thing. And as soon as I'm able to write it down, it gives me a little bit of clarity of direction.

Emily Rose Dallara (26:01.89)
Let's say I'm upset because X person was a bit rude in X message and I feel outraged at how they could be rude in the message when in fact I feel I have done quite a lot for whatever, like this example, right? And then you start to break it down. Maybe the real reason I'm upset is that my contributions haven't yet really been acknowledged in specific project, or maybe I'm doing more in specific project than

I am at the capacity to give. And that's not their fault. That's on me. That's on me to prioritize better. That's on me to maybe balance my time and day a little bit more effectively because quite often no one is asking for that. No one has asked for that level of contribution and commitment to specific task. It would have been perfectly fine to do it the next day or maybe somebody else could have even done it.

When you've this all down, you're like, okay, so I'm not upset at the message that they sent. I'm actually upset. Yeah, maybe I'm a little bit upset at myself for having not prioritized my day. Like, what am I really angry about? Am I angry about that I missed bedtime with my kid? And that's not their fault. Yeah. Wow. That's a great level of self coaching.

I love this. No, and you're like externally processing. I don't know if you know the difference. It's like external processing. Some people have to think things through, but when you get it on paper, you're processing it externally, which is really one of the best ways to do it. I would say like this is how you get through. It's like having a conversation with yourself on paper, understanding what is the real problem here, because this person's message is the trigger point. Something else is happening. That's actually one of those mandates I try to live by and

It's really like one of the most, the easiest ways to clear up your life a little bit or make general interactions better. Always assumes stupidity instead of malice. 99.99 % of the time, someone is not trying to actively malign you or actively be mean to you or try to mess with you. It's very possible that they are working with the information that they have and they just don't know.

Emily Rose Dallara (28:22.594)
the thing that you are expecting or that you have worked on or the counterpoints that you may have raised. And as soon as you're willing to have that conversation, there is no conflict, there is no friction. But it's very easy when everyone's sitting in their own silo to believe that someone is out to get you. Because if you look at your own life, how many times in the history in my last 35 years, have I been out to get someone?

I don't think I've ever been that angry at anyone. And so it's really, if they're not out to maliciously upset me or, you know, to ruin my life in some way, then it's probably because they just don't know. And if they don't know, I could tell them and then it's fixed. Or you're the road to recovery, at least. Yeah, it's incredible, isn't it? And it's literally just a perspective shift. Yeah.

It's very much perspective, because when you read it, you're angry, you come back to it, take a deep breath, come back and you're like, okay, is it possible that they just didn't know? What's the dumbest possible solution to what's happened over here? Because that's probably what's happened. It's not. And the other thing is, on text, everything is 10 times harder to solve. Because there's so much subtext and like, you emojis or the number of full stops you've used or

You know, you're like, what? So always, always just give them a call because yeah, again, can fix it. Yeah, a hundred percent. This is what I say to anybody I work with in teams, take it offline. That used to be my whenever I was working, like when was I, I was last doing this about two years ago when I was a marketing advisor, I was.

building the team. it was kind of like my job was to build the team and then hire a CMO to just like put in place, I could step back and not be the CMO. And that it was just the constant reminding them that this is not the conversation that's going to help us do this. What we needed to be do, we need to have a conversation and you need to have structured conversation. Like it can't just be like the amount of on a separate tangent a bit, the amount of unstructured meetings that lead nowhere and cause so much frustration. Yeah, we need less of that.

Emily Rose Dallara (30:40.462)
No, for sure. You're like, comment. I mean, I just came out of 10 of them. Yeah. I work at a bank. Yeah. Anyway, on to the next question. Well, what I was going to say is, when we were talking about this, when you feel like you're simmering on the brink of burnout, you have these small rituals that you do to help you pause. But how do you know when you're at that point? Like what starts to happen?

The people I love most, and that I value the most, they're the ones who typically suffer the most. Because that's where the frayed part of me ends up landing. And it's so unfair. Like nobody at work would ever see it. It would always be my mother, or my husband, or you know, my best friend who would suddenly see me being a bit snippy or rude, like, not answering a perfectly reasonable question, but like snapping or something. then, and maybe when it's happened once or twice, one of them would raise a flag like,

Are you okay? Like you seem a little bit off. And then I might check like check in with myself. Am I okay? Yeah, that was kind of rude of me. Why did I do that? Yeah. And it's it's amazing because it never happens to people at the workplace or people that I interact with on a professional level. It's always like the most nearly nearly loved people that end up catching it. And it's so unfair. brunt of it. Yeah. And then and that's for me also like a flag of Aya.

You're a bit tired. You haven't relaxed in a while. You need to you need to take some time for you. Yeah. And what do you find usually leads to that? What's been happening?

Emily Rose Dallara (32:23.416)
I mean, I mentioned before, I just had a baby last year and I came back to work in March. before I came back to work, I was aware that coming back. So what are things that are important to me? Like I want to love my job. I want to feel excited about my work, but I don't want to compromise on being a good mom. Like that's the most important thing to me. But I want to feel passionate about what I do, but I don't want to burn out. And so how do I?

kind of balance these three goals that I that I've set for myself. And I can say safely that you can tell which of these things typically happens most. Like I'm always present for my kid or I try to be. Again, always try to do the most at work. And that means that I end up not burning out. That's a big word to use. But I feel myself freeing. that how I can call dysregulated. Yeah. Yeah. that's it's a challenge. It's I think what's

kind of, sometimes the problem is that you think that, I fixed it. Now I'm good. It's, it's not fixed. It's a constant journey of checking in. And that's something that you, I just have to add to my agenda. In addition to all the other stuff I'm doing is, you know, stop and check in with you. Are you, are you okay? Have you looked, have you slept okay? Have you not slept? What else can you do to maybe feel a little bit more recharged? Have you had too much coffee? That's maybe something that also starts.

Yeah, and do you include that as a daily practice? Like in the morning, do you ask yourself these questions? That's a very good idea. I probably should. No, I do it more on a weekly basis, but I have it in my calendar as well. Let's just stop and reflect on this week. What went well, what hasn't gone so well. And yeah, I mean, once in a week is better than not at all, though I think you're right. Doing it even every day would be even more powerful for myself. Yeah, it is. And it really depends on your day structure.

I have my, I'm very obsessive with my morning routine and I wouldn't even call it a morning routine. It's like, it's a necessity. It's like going in the shower or brushing your teeth. Like if I don't do this, I cannot function in the world. I won't show up as my best self. It's not, I don't say it's a big ritual, but I do lots of grounding, energy protect, because I work with people all day, right? Because I'm a reflector in human design, like I won't go into it too much now, but I, and I'm very highly sensitive as well. And so

Emily Rose Dallara (34:47.148)
I'm constantly taking in other people's energy. So if I don't cleanse that energy and ground myself and be present to this world, I really struggle. I get over anxious. So I do stuff like that, but also constantly working on nervous system regulation, which I'm obsessed with and everyone does it really differently. But I have my own little ritual and it's so weird. And if you watch me do it, you'll like, what are you doing? It's all very much like somatic stuff, but it reminds you on a body level that you're safe.

And it helps your brain to register that you're safe afterwards. So you're like, my body's safe, my mind's safe. I believe I'm safe. And the more you do that, the less likely you are to get to that level of nearly burning out because you're so in tune with your body feedback. really interesting. It's very helpful. I'll send you some stuff. Yeah, no, that sounds great. I will say though, like, I mean, I love the idea of a morning ritual, but my kid typically wakes up at like four, then he wakes up again at like 530.

And I try to keep him in bed till 630. And then kind of for starting the day anyway, so you say, okay, fine, we're not wrestling to put you back to bed anymore. just gonna start the day. it's definitely more challenging with a child like I only have dogs. No, but so what I try to do is put it into my work calendar. Like, if I make this time in my work calendar, and it's there as like a 20 minute blocker on a Friday morning when I typically don't have that much going on. Good idea. actually means it can happen.

can step into phone booth or to a meeting room and just take those like 10-15 minutes for myself. And it's for me, at least that means that there's a chance it happens as opposed to getting like swept into the craziness of my life at home, is which is usually chaotic a bit. do you tend to work from the office or do you work mainly at home? No, go into the office at least three times a week. I try to go in at least three times a week.

but helps you with your focus and productivity. It's controversial, right? Because everyone loves working from home, but I like working from home as well because I get to see my kid more, but I'm very much a people person. And what I do specifically that is working in business development and product innovation, it means that I interface a lot with colleagues and I...

Emily Rose Dallara (37:03.982)
In person, of course, that's always a lot easier. You can kind of get a quick question that you yell across the floor instead of checking in on teams like, hey, do you have a minute? Hey, do you have a minute? Can we have a quick call? And a lot. And then you kind of just like waiting for the things come back and then they don't come back. And then you go to the toilet and then they ping you when you're in the loo. then it's like, especially for like quick work or like little questions that kind of go back and forth in the day. So stuff like that. I really appreciate being in the office.

And also, again, as a mom, it's nice, it's healthy for me to have that like divide of space because it allows me to focus a lot harder. And it also helps you build the relationships, doesn't it? like build the trust and everything. Very much so. Like I to look forward to to the office. Yeah. A little bit of coffee, you know, hanging around the coffee machine and banter in the morning is, I mean, I don't want to do it every day, but a couple of times a week Just the four I.

Couple of times a week I do appreciate it. I love this. It's lovely to hear from someone because I was speaking to, do you know Sam Yap from Yap Global? Yeah, she's great. Yeah. I just published her episode yesterday and we talked all about this and she has a lot to say on how she managed to step away from her business whilst on maternity leave because she's got SOPs dialed in so well. But it was really interesting to hear about that.

because I don't have children, but a lot of my friends do. And I see the world through their eyes as well. But how to manage doing exactly what you want to be doing and also having a child and having relationships and friends and everything. Yeah. Yeah. And looking after your health. It's a lot of things. I think what's, what's fair to do, at least one of the things that helps me be a bit sane is to pick the priorities, like

For example, it's not a popular one, but right after you have a baby, there's a lot of pressure to lose the baby weight and get back to your old pants and stuff like this. And that was the one I decided to be a little bit kinder to myself. I still think physical activity is important, getting X amount of steps in every day and trying to go to a fit boxing class now and then or so. You can see that it's not. But right now, I don't have the capacity in my...

Emily Rose Dallara (39:22.03)
or mind space to really fit that in as a big chunk of my day on a daily basis. And I've given myself that allowance and that kindness to say, you know what, that's okay. There's many things that are a bigger priority to me right now. And that's to say that I don't want to be physically fit. I do, I still want to go hiking. I still want to be able to like run around with my kid and like not have a backache all the time. And so there's a baseline to this, right? But to allow a little bit of kindness to yourself on what you're

prioritizing and what you're accepting that next year this time I will stop this. That's okay. Yeah. it's beautiful that you're able to do this. I'm it's really hard. Another one is like with cooking. I don't really like to cook. It's not my favorite thing to do. Extra time that I have, I would like to either do my work stuff or my kid stuff. Like those are the two things that are priorities to me. And so I actually subscribe to a meal service. So on Mondays I get like a giant box of meals that go into my fridge.

And through the week, I defrost and eat my husband and my kid as well. mean, my kid gets his own meals, right? But me and my husband, at least, I don't have to think about dinner or going grocery shopping. it's just a huge load of things that you can take off your plate. Because this meal service is not significantly, it's more expensive than doing your groceries, cleaning and cooking, putting everything away. All of those things take so much time. And if you think about your own hourly rate, whatever that might be, you put a number to it.

And the number of hours you're saving by taking all of that off the table, for me, it's worth it. Yeah. It's a no brainer. having, honestly, I used to, well, we lived in Vietnam, bit different, but we had a cook. That was great. And I was going through like a very strict health protocol that I would have like hated cooking for. And she just used to deliver these amazing dishes every single day, lunch and dinner.

it takes away so much stuff out of your day. Like you don't have to think about what shop for what to cook. Like, nothing. It's just a lot of things. I'm really impressed with women who manage to do everything. And sometimes I look at the moms around me who, who do all of that, actually. And then sometimes over a drink, might hear that, you know, they're also on Zuloft. they're also feeling the pressure and it comes up in different ways. it's really difficult. And everybody has their ways to

Emily Rose Dallara (41:45.738)
managing, I think the most important thing is just having the right support. And I know that the people who are listening would be really interested to know like, when did you ask for support? How did you figure out what kind of support you needed? That's a really, really hard question. I think people really have a hard time asking for support. And, and the flip side of that, I always try to think if X person, let the person, let's say who I might ask for support was to ask me for what I'm asking for.

Just think about how I would jump out of my seat to do it for them because I love them and because it's absolutely my privilege to help them if they need something. And if you just switch that mindset to this person that you love, typically they feel exactly the same way. to allow to ask someone a favor to ask someone for help is to allow them in is to allow them that feeling of, you know, that glow it gives you to help someone else and

in a way by breaking the barrier that they might one day also ask you for something. Like they feel now ready that there's a possibility that they can ask you for something. And so it's kind of just breaking that barrier between two people. And especially I think about making adult friends. Like the reason it's so hard is because everyone's kind of been programmed into this individualistic, you know, capitalist driven mindset. Like I'm never going to ask someone to drive me to the airport. I'll ask for Uber or to move house or get a packers and movers or whatever. And

Even simple stuff like I'm a bit sick. you, you know, you want to come by, come over with some soup? Of course I can uber the soup over, but that's not what I'm really asking for. I'm asking for you to come and sit with me when I'm The other person doesn't expect anything in return most of the time. I can't remember what the concept is, but one of my, one of my coaches, told me about, cause I was like, I can't ask this person this question. She's like, you can because they like to feel like they can help you. Yeah. It's like the reciprocity principle. Yeah.

Yeah, people love to help people around them. Like I think as humans, like we're programmed with that. But people are so so shy of asking for support. was with a colleague yesterday and I said, Hey, I'm at the coffee shop. Do you want me to pick you up a coffee with you were on a train going somewhere? He said, No, I'm good. And I'm like, Are you sure like I'm happy to get you a coffee like it's no big deal. Like you're sitting on the train already. This is good quality coffee compared to what you get there. No, no, I'm good.

Emily Rose Dallara (44:11.694)
Okay. Then we got the tray and I was like, you want the window seat, the ass seat? And he's like, no, no, you pick. And I'm like, just tell me which one you want. Cause I want to help you also. I'm trying to do something nice for you. Let me do something nice. Please let me do something nice. Yeah, I get this. But a lot of the time it's to do with the fear of being rejected. For example, if you're asking someone for help and you want a new job, for example, you're like, I really need a new job. I'm going to ask this person.

And they'd like, I don't want to help you or this isn't something that I can help you with. Even though rationally we know that that's thousand percent not going to happen. They're not going to reject you. You still think they are underlying. Yeah. Yeah. And that's like one of the dumbest ones because I think everyone understands that like if you're a good person and you're asking someone to support you with finding a job, that's like the easiest thing for a person to do. One.

And two, it really helps them because then you're super grateful to them. The person who they've referred you to is grateful to them for like creating for such a good resource. And overall it creates this like positive circle of virtuosity. And it's like one of the easiest ways to create a lot of positive energy in any scenario. definitely if anyone ever asked you for support for this, like it's always good to help. then similarly.

Don't be shy to ask others for this help. pass it on. One word that came up for me there is the shame. Like the shame of acknowledging that you're not able to do this for yourself right now. Yeah. That's another conversation though. No, that's a big word. I mean, the shame is a... Let's get you on to discuss this next time. slot. Okay. Thank you so much. And do you want to tell

Everyone who's listening, where they can find you, because you also have a podcast. That's true. But my podcast is very crypto focused. It's called the Crypto Explorer. You can find it on Spotify or Apple podcasts or wherever you find your podcasts usually. Otherwise you can find me on LinkedIn at Aliyah Dasgupta or on Twitter at Aliyah DG. Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you so much for having me, Emily. I really enjoyed this conversation with you. Speak soon. Bye. That's all for today on Bubbling Out.

Emily Rose Dallara (46:36.866)
Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a five-star review. Your reviews and subscriptions help more people, more leaders, more entrepreneurs like you access the Bubbling Out podcast. Also, if you're on Instagram or TikTok, go and follow me, Emily Rose Dallara Coach, for behind the scenes dog vids, somatics exercises, and me DJing sometimes. See you next time in the bubble.